But I don't think that's it..
Yes, it's hard to find time during the day to sit down and write some thoughtful blog posts, and sometimes by the time baby is in bed, I'm too exhausted to think, let alone write or plan.
But I still don't think that's it.
Like anyone, if my heart is truly in something, I will make time for it. I will make it happen.
What it is, I think, is that these last few weeks I've felt like something is missing. Something tangible. Something I can feel, touch, create, appreciate.
Facebook and Instagram and Pinterest is so full of inspiring images, articles, life hacks, books I should read, movies I should watch, 10 things I should do NOW to live an extra hundred years, why the world is heading towards self destruction.
Then I tear myself away from my computer and ask myself what I'm actually doing.
The other day I had one of those days when I felt like I wasn't getting anything right. Like everyone was telling me what to do, how to live. Then I snuggled up in bed at the end of the day and scrolled my Facebook feed and realised that all that was happening as I scrolled was that people were telling me what to do and how to live my life.
I know I don't have to do everything they tell me to, I can read it and move on or not even read it at all, but a part of me thinks, how many people out there are spending more time scrolling Facebook and other websites/social networking and getting told they need to do this and they need to do that, than actually doing the things they want to do, living the way they want to live?
I miss the "old days" when you could take a photo without thinking about how many likes it might get, or how many social media platforms you're going to share it on.
I miss being a mystery to people; bumping into somebody I haven't seen in a long while and having them be surprised by something I've told them, because these days everyone knows everything because we post it all online.
I'm also afraid.
I'm afraid that this generation of adults is becoming one that looks to the internet for constant reassurance. Reassurance that they're wearing the right clothes, taking the right types of photos, eating the right foods, raising their families the right way.
The crazy thing about it is that this is what Keen Bean Wellness is all about - telling people how to live.
Don't get me wrong, I think I have some valuable, useful advice to give people, but I feel like there's a better way to do it; a more satisfying way to do it. Rather than constantly trying to think of what blog posts or Facebook photos will get the most attention and finding to time to write the posts and take the photos just for the sake of likes, I want to get my head down and work on something special and valuable that will make me feel proud and happy. I want to focus more on quality of work than quantity of likes. I want to get out of people's faces and not turn into that page that gives out a thousand different kinds of advice which makes it impossible to do any actual living in between.
I want to do this without the distraction of having to keep my blog and Facebook page alive and likable, and I also want to slow down in my own life and stop trying to do a million things at once.
So I've decided I'm going to hibernate for the winter. I'm going to get my head down and work on some quality stuff for you and for me, and I'm going to try and live a more old fashioned kind of life where recipes come from a book, photos are taken to put in an album for the next generation and creating something means to trust your own mind.
I know it seems ironic that when I have finished this thing I want to create, I will probably tell you here or on Facebook because the reality is that's the way to reach people in business these days. But in creating it, I want to go old school, and I want to trust my own mind.
I know it also seems ironic that I'm telling you this through a blog post, but I wanted to tell you that I'm hibernating and that I will be back with something special (while maybe also giving you something to think about in the meantime), rather than just disappearing and having everyone simply forget about Keen Bean Wellness.
I do enjoy what I do here, but in the last year my life has changed dramatically and I think anyone would be surprised if my business didn't change with it. To be honest, I haven't really known what direction I've wanted to go in for awhile, so taking the time out to work on a project close to my heart, one which I have no idea what direction it may head in, feels good to me.
And it's good to feel good. It's good to do something just because you want to. It's a perfectly good use of your time and in no way is it a waste.
So as I leave you for the winter, I encourage you to create, to feel good, to prosper, to do just what you want to do. Or don't. Who am I tell you what to do.
Have a cozy warm, lovely winter.