As my due date gets closer, just 12 days away, I find myself switching between nervous and excited, with a little bit of disbelief thrown in. Growing a human is really hard work, and even though I've had a straightforward pregnancy with no complications, it has been hard. To have something different happen in your body every week makes it a constant learning curve, and as soon as you start getting used to one thing, it changes.
I feel like I did when I got close to my wedding day. All my life I wanted to find love, and when I did it was the most amazing thing ever, and in the way of long relationships, the years tend to fly by and you can't remember the exact moment you decided you wanted to get married in the future, but suddenly you're there, walking down the aisle with a huge smile on your face thinking "Nothing in my life has ever felt so right".
Someone asked me the other day whether I had always wanted kids. There was no hesitation. I have never, ever imagined my life without them. I'm by no means one of those "naturals" with kids - that person who can walk into a room full of them and become a magnet and know exactly what to do and say; how to comfort a crying baby or a hurt toddler, or how to make a kid laugh. But I have always known I wanted to be a mother, and I've trusted that the instincts will come at the time.
I can't remember the exact moment my husband and I first talked about having kids. Marriage and a family seems to always have been a given in our relationship. I don't even remember the moment we actually decided to try for a baby, we just somehow ended up here, 12 days away from meeting our son - possibly less - and the nerves are starting to settle down as the excitement builds.
The nesting phase has well and truly begun and will probably continue until he's born - every room must be tidy each day, just in case he comes that night.
His cradle sits at the end of our bed made up with little sheets and wool blankets to keep him warm. His carseat is installed in the car, ready for his trip home to the hospital.
Everything I do each day revolves around him. I clean, I tidy, I sleep to conserve my energy for the big day, I bake and freeze food for those first few weeks which I'm told go by in a haze. And we wait. We wait for our precious little boy to come and meet us. The little boy I've come to know so well as a wriggly little creature inside me who kicks at the sound of his dad's voice and hiccups at night, and whose name we are struggling to pick because we want it to be perfect.
This is parenthood so far - the most exciting, scary, mind-boggling experience we have ever had, and in 12 days or less, it's bound to intensify about a million times.